The Beeper Princess
by Inudaughter Returns
Summary: (With Earrings! as a subplot.) Helga Pataki proves herself to be the Princess of Beepers. She forays into sales by setting up a booth of handmade cellphone accessories in front of her father's store and all goes well until... Meanwhile, Phoebe wrestles with her uncertainty as to whether or not to get her ears pierced. Later, she must come to accept the new "her".
1. Chapter 1

Helga G. Pataki had ample time to bronze herself in the summer sun without going to a beach. She didn't need a lawn chair to get a perfect tan, because she had nothing else to do but wait in the blazing nearly-summer heat which shimmered off the blacktop of a parking lot. Her Dad, Big Bob Pataki, was car shopping, so she had little choice but to wait - either inside on a cramped plastic chair, or out.

Helga wrapped her fingertips against her crossed arm. A fly flew by. Boring was just plain… well boring. She didn't know if she could stand a single second of it. But when a bead of sweat trickled down her brow, Helga came up with a plan. She'd drop by the vending machine for grape soda...again. There was something magical about the ice cold beverage as it rolled out with a merry "ching!". Like an elixir for wizards, an instant, fizzy cold drink seemed out of place for a parking lot which felt an awful lot like the Sahara. Helga gulped it down eagerly, then tossed the can into a bin already overflowing with grape soda cans.

Helga's ears, poised for noise, perked up when they heard her father's laugh. The lot manager and Big Bob Pataki strolled up to an oversized hummer. The two shook hands. In a moment, Helga's father held a new set of keys in his hand. At last, he approached his daughter.

"Dad?!" Helga said as if it was a miracle he returned after all. The wait in the heat had seemed so long. "Are you done?"

"Yup!" her father said with pride. "I just traded up the newest and biggest hummer on the market! The F5490 Destabilizer! It has rear ejection seats! And a department for cocktail refreshments."

"Is that really necessary?" Helga inquired with more polite skepticism than was her norm. "You did get the old car last year."

"Ah! Necessary, smecessary!" her old man said with a grin as he swung his new keys high in celebration. "I'm the sultan in these parts. So I can have a little taste of the best. Only the best!" said Big Bob getting into his new car and revving up the engine like he was about to take off drag-racing. Eyes wide, Helga strapped in beside him.

"Hm," said Helga suddenly distracted. She squinted through the window at much smaller but sporty, buttercup yellow convertible. "That car's kind of cute. Isn't it Dad?" Helga pointed out the front passenger window. She was shocked when her father veered suddenly into a parking spot beside it to climb out and go up to the car to get an upclose and in person look at it.

"Oh, yeah!" her father muttered scratching under his chin. "That looks like the same brand as the car I bought Olga. It's decided then! I'll put in an order for one of these. It'll do for your first car!"

"What?!" Helga garbled. "You're going to buy me a new car?! Why? I'm only eleven years old!"

"You'll be needing it soon enough. Besides, you're going to work it off! Helping at Big Bob's Beeper Emporium!"

"But Dad!" Helga protested with real astonishment. "I'm just a kid!" But Helga's father shook a meaty finger at her. Helga stiffened with dread.

"Ah, ah, ah!" Her father admonished in perfect calm. "Big Bob's Beeper Emporium is a family business! Plus, minimum legal working age is fourteen! So get ready, girlie! When you turn fourteen, say goodbye to afternoons goofing off and gadding about singing 'la-dee-dah' when you could be bringing in money!"

"You can't be serious?!" Helga yelped. She ground her teeth together in angst, but her worry did not diminish. Helga knew her father too well to guess he was making a joke about this. After all, Big Bob's Beeper's was something he had always put endless sweat and energy into building. At times of his life, he valued the company he had founded on greater or equal terms as his own family. Lately, he had eased a bit and begun to appreciate the people around him more. But he hadn't given up on expanding his corporate empire!

"That's right, Helga!" Big Bob explained, jabbing a meaty finger in the air under Helga's nose. "Your sister is always off in some faraway country doing brainiac things! I want the best for Olga, and that means not tying her down to this. The family business has to be carried on by someone! And that's where you come in Helga! You're not the boy you were supposed to be, but that just means you'll have to work twice as hard!"

"Huh?!" Helga stuttered. "What about what I want do with my life?" she muttered rebelliously.

"Those are the breaks!" Helga slapped her own face with one hand so that one eye was covered and her fingertips rested on her temple.

"Oh, the fleeting nature of childhood!" Helga lamented.

"You got that right!" said Big Bob reversing his hummer once they had strapped back in. Helga grit her teeth with painful resolve for sometimes, it just isn't our luck to be the person to call the shots. At this moment, she most certainly wasn't.

Phoebe Heyerdahl had a whole lot less to worry about than Helga for the moment. But she walked down the hallway of P.S. 118 with a curious expression her face. There were girls with puffy bracelets on her left. There were goths on her right. There were campfire lasses who never changed out of their uniforms up ahead. Phoebe walked past one kid wearing bellbottoms talking to another kid with baggy jeans. Then she walked by someone who looked like she her hairstyle was ripped out of Sailor Moon but her clothes crossed between Naruto and Dragonball Z. The cosplayer wave a hand fondly even if Phoebe had no idea who that was.

As Phoebe continued to stroll through the rowdy, rather diverse crowd, she spotted a knot of girls blocking the hallway. Phoebe tiptoed to the edge of the knot and slipped in between larger and taller girls to stand next Helga. Like herself, the pink-dressed girl had gravitated here to get a peek of what was the cause of the commotion. One of the seniors was holding up a single earring for the girls of the crowd to view. There were oohs and aws. Money bills flashed out as quick as lightning.

"Thank you, thank you! Here's one for you, and you, and you! Great!" the girl said shoveling up the money to stuff it into her pocket. "I'm sold out! I'll have more made by Monday for you! I'll take pre-orders!" Most of the girls wandered away. The clog in the hallway cleared.

"What was that all about?!" Helga uttered with real astonishment. "You've got a good gig going!"

"Yeah, selling earrings!" the brunette girl in a blue dress said before reaching into her locker for a book. She patted her hair with swagger. "I make them myself! Sell like hotcakes! You know everyone is getting their ears pierced this year! If they haven't already."

"Pierced ears?" Phoebe uttered with trepidation as she considered the words. "Does that hurt?"

"Oh, yeah loads!" the girl said with deep sarcasm, rolling her eyes. "It's excruciating!"

"It is?" Phoebe squeaked with fear.

"Nah!" the girl said waving a hand at them. "Only hurts for a second! The only thing is you get an ear infection. That hurts a lot! Painful like you wouldn't believe! So try to keep the ears clean!" she advised, turning back to her locker.

"Maybe I shouldn't get my ears pierced at all," Phoebe muttered, looking regretful. The girl who had been selling earrings leveled her a disdainful look.

"Wow. If that's how things are with you! No need to be all sissy about it," the girl said before walking away.

"What's that supposed to mean?!" Phoebe snapped, suddenly cross. "And what about you, Helga? You just let her say all of those things about me!"

"Well, you were saying some wussy things!" Helga said with fairness despite her friend's wrath. "Why so twitchy about all of this anyway? It's just some girl you don't even know!"

"Well, I am supposed to get my ears pierced next month," Phoebe mumbled with uncertain misery. "My parents and I talked about it and well… we were going to. But now, after hearing all that, I'm a little unsure."

"Is that what this is all about?!" Helga grinned softly. "You don't have to worry, Phoebes, I'm sure it won't hurt that bad! You can take it! But if you don't want to, you don't have to. That's what the lady who did my ears up said. You have to decide on the time that's right for you!"

"I didn't know you had your ears pierced," mumbled Phoebe. "Did it hurt?"

"Nah, not that bad!" Helga assured her. "It hurts a lot less than wearing clip-ons, I think! Those things pinch in one heck of a nasty way. And my ears are fine! See?" Helga declared. She showed Phoebe a tiny silver circle so small it was difficult to spot even from up close.

"I see," Phoebe mumbled. "Still, I wonder. Maybe I should call the whole thing off?"

"Meh. It's up to you," Helga stated. Her mind was drifting elsewhere. She looked down the hallway away from Phoebe and rubbed her chin in thought. Then she ambled into the classroom.

Accessories. That was Helga was noticing all around her. They abounded. Most of the girls in the school were now sporting earrings. One of the boys, she noticed, had a single earring in his left ear. The girls of the upper class had always worn scrunchies around their wrists for decoration. But on Rhonda's and wrists Nadine's wrists, there were bracelets with little charms dangling off them. Eugene had a whole collection of pencil eraser toppers, to Curly's envy. Even Lorenzo had gotten into the accessory habit, too, clipping toy plastic robots and spaceships to his otherwise very professional briefcase.

"Hm," Helga murmured to herself. She reached into her pocket to take a single, loose earring out of it. She studied it carefully in thought.

Later that evening, Big Bob arrived home at the Pataki family residence. "I'm home!" the big man called to the interior. "And I'm starvin'! What's for dinner, Miriam?" the man hollered although there was no wife to greet him. But Helga came skidding round the corner.

"Dad!" she yelped. On her toes, she reached up to snag hold of the edge of the large man's shirt. It would be her stunning future to reach his height, someday.

"Dad, dad!" Helga yelped for attention. Her father attempted to redirect his attention elsewhere, but Helga had a hold of his shirtfront. It was something she had done a few times, long ago, in her youngest years. That she did it again meant she was feeling enthusiastic about something.

"Yeah? What do ya want?" Big Bob rumbled in his gruff, rather impatient voice. Helga let go of his shirt tail with a snap. She swung her arms wide instead.

"Dad, there's something I really want to try. You know how you're expecting me to become a brainiac businessperson someday? Well, I thought that maybe I should get a little bit of practice in by setting up a lemonade stand... or something," Helga said with slightly suspicious extra emphasis on the word "something."


	2. Chapter 2

Accessories. That was Helga was noticing all around her. They abounded. Most of the girls in the school were now sporting earrings. One of the boys, she noticed had a single earring in his left ear. The girls of the upper class had always worn scrunchies around their wrists for decoration. But on Rhonda's and wrists Nadine's wrists, there were bracelets with little charms dangling off them. Eugene had a whole collection of pencil eraser toppers, to Curly's envy. Even Lorenzo had gotten into the accessory habit, too, clipping toy plastic robots and spaceships to his otherwise very professional briefcase.

"Hm," Helga murmured to herself. She reached into her pocket to take a single, loose earring out of it. She studied it carefully in thought.

Later that evening, Big Bob arrived home at the Pataki family residence. "I'm home!" the big man called to the interior. "And I'm starvin'! What's for dinner, Miriam?" the man hollered although there was no wife to greet him. But Helga came skidding round the corner.

"Dad!" she yelped. On her toes, she reached up to snag hold of the edge of the large man's shirt. It would be her stunning future to reach his height, someday.

"Dad, dad!" Helga yelped for attention. Her father attempted to redirect his attention elsewhere, but Helga had a hold of his shirtfront. It was something she had done a few times, long ago, in her youngest years. That she did it again meant she was feeling enthusiastic about something.

"Yeah? What do ya want?" Big Bob rumbled in his gruff, rather impatient voice. Helga let go of his shirt tail with a snap. She swung her arms wide instead.

"Dad, there's something I really want to try. You know how you're expecting me to become a brainiac businessman someday? Well, I thought that maybe I should get a little bit of practice in by setting up a lemonade stand... or something," Helga said with slightly suspicious extra emphasis on the word "something."

"A lemonade stand, huh?" Big Bob said in deep thought. "The old American classic! I don't see why not!"

"Great! I'll be down at Big Bob Beeper's with a booth on Saturday!" Helga grinned.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" her Dad spouted. "Why the store? Why not here by the house?"

"Greater traffic!" Helga reasoned. "As they say… location, location, location!"

"Rrr, mmm," Big Bob muttered at having his own words flung back at him.

"Very well, Helga! You've got yourself deal! Just don't embarrass yourself. Or me."

"You have nothing to worry about!" Helga grinned shaking her father's hand. "I'll show you I have the stuff to be a salesman!"

"Hm," her father mumbled. "Now that's the Pataki spirit!" He gave Helga a short pat on the back that was like a soft slap to the shoulder. Big Bob didn't look excited. He looked curious and thoughtful. If Helga could pull this off it'd be a great thing.

On the promised Saturday, Helga appeared on the corner of Big Bob Beeper's with Harold and Stinky and Sid in tow. The three boys all struggled to carry the tent pipes she needed to set up her booth. Helga herself hefted a folding card table overhead. Sid had the fewest tent poles of anybody. He struggled to carry even two. Harold dropped the poles he was carrying to the ground with a clatter, then scowled. He was sweaty with perspiration.

"Aw, I'm all sweaty!" the boy grumbled. "Where's my fifty cents, Helga? I'm out of here!" Helga dropped two quarters in his hand.

"Alright, go one, get out of here!" the girl said. "I have things to do!" She paid the other two boys their change.

It took another bus trip, but Helga returned to the corner under the billboard sign for Big Bob's Beepers with a large cardboard box. From inside it, she removed a tablecloth, a cashbox, and a bunch of accessories to sell. Only they weren't earrings. They weren't even bracelet charms. They were trinkets to attach to a cell phone case, or even an old fashioned folding cellphone. There were even a few soft fabric cases she had sewn herself. Helga sat down at her booth.

"Step right up, step right up! Excuse me madam!" she declared as one of her father's business customers began to march past. "Would you be interested in viewing the finest and most adorable product to ever grace your cellphone? See? Your gray cellphone.. Plain, boring, blah! But with these attractive handmade braids adorned with diamond beads and a cute little puppy charm, it becomes a statement of you!"

"Aw!" the woman said leaning nearer. "Such a cute puppy! Did you make these yourself, little girl?"

"You! I also have kitten, frog, horse, and llama," Helga said offering up a selection of cell phone charms. "Would you like a demonstration?" She tried the charm to a cellphone pouch. She also lifted up her own cellphone, which was festooned with a bat and a manatee for no particular reason.

"Awe, I'll take one of everything!" the woman smiled. "I might not use them for my cellphone, but I'm sure I'll find a use for them!" she beamed. She took out a fistful of cash.

Meanwhile, elsewhere Phoebe knocked on her parent's door.

"Mother?" she asked. "May I talk to you?"

"What about sweet heart?" asked her mom.

""I… I'm… I'm… actually thinking of canceling on having my ear piercing done! I'm a little nervous about it all!" Phoebe griped softly.

"Ah, sweetheart! If that's your decision!"

"We'll respect it!" said her father for her mother. The family hugged one another.

The end to the weekend was swift. When the school week came again, Helga stood where the girl selling earrings normally stood. In fact, she even pushed the brunette in the blue haired dress away when she was about to speak to her devoted crowd. Helga spoke to them instead.

"Accessories!" Helga cried out to her spectators. "Tie them to your backpack! Make a bracelet out of 'em! Use them on your cellphone! Braid them in your hair!" she said revealing Phoebe as her model. "Only five dollars apiece!" MOney whipped out of every pocket there.

"Gawsh," Stinky Peterson said to Arnold as they stood at a standstill, unable to pass until the crowd thinned. "It seems Helga is all gungho about somethin'!"

Saturday rolled round again. Big Bob peeked his head outside his store front. There, on the corner below his billboard was Helga selling her handmade charms. In front of her table was an incredibly long line.

"Helga!" Big Bob complained. "You're blocking traffic! Plus everyone spends all their money before they even come in the store!"

"I know, isn't it great!" Helga grinned. She kept passing out accessories with shamrocks and unicorns and penguins and whatever else.

That night, Helga's father popped into his daughter's room. It wasn't something he did often. But he saw that helga had fallen asleep at her desk assembling things.

"Helga!" he complained. "You never came down for dinner!"

"I know, I know," the girl mumbled. "I'll heat it up in the microwave!" She trotted downstairs.

On a sunny afternoon later that week, Big Bob was seated on his recliner with his feet propped up when he saw Helga walking by with a box. His eyebrow folded slightly.

"Hey, do you wanna play checkers?" her father offered. Helga paused for the briefest of moments.

"Nah, I'm busy!"

"But I haven't seen you around all week!" her father objected as Helga trotted off to do whatever it was she was doing.

Things with Phoebe were better. She ambushed her parents they watched a movie on the couch. "Actually I want my ears pierced after all!" they girl said in desperation.

"Alright!" her mother agreed. They took her down to a piercing parlor right then and there. Pheobe came out looking slightly pale from the burden of having to be brave.

"How do feel, sweetheart?" asked her mother. Phoebe looked in a mirror at herself.

"A little strange, actually!" Phoebe said tilting her head sideways to look at her temporary earrings.

"How do I look? It seems strange!"

"You'll be alright!" her mother hugged her with a smile. "We'll get you some earrings like mine!" she offered. Phoebe and her mother walked out of the hand in hand.

At the school playground of P.S. 118, lunchbreak had become torture for her fellow classmates. All of her classmates sat around beneath Ruth's tree, assembling her 'handmade' charms. Even Arnold and Gerald were there for some reason. Helga was 'supervising'.

"Alright people, keep up! I wanna see IMPROVEMENTS to production!" Helga ordered in her bossiest manner. The kids around her tied and strung beads, then shoveled the results into a box. Sid raised a hand meekly.

"Um, Ma'am? I need to go to the bathroom?"

"Yeah! And I'm hungry!" Harold declared with an angry eyebrow lowered.

"I gave you gruel!" Helga countered, She held up an emptied packet of instant oatmeal.

"Um, Helga," Arnold said with his 'please be reasonable' tone. "One instant package of plain-flavored oatmeal between all of us isn't much. And don't you think you're working us a little too hard?"

"Yeah! For a measly one quarter a day! I say, we should get paid an extra nickel!" Sid groused.

"Sid's right!" Arnold carried the banner for him. "Don't you think you're being a little unfair?" Helga looked away from Arnold but she pouted instead of glowered, which was a good sign.

"Alright, Arnold. Calm down," Helga relented. "No need for another one of your revolutions. I'll give you all a break. And one more packet of instant oatmeal to share between you."

"See, Helga? I knew we could come to some kind of an agreement," Arnold smiled. But the bug of revolution had spread.

"Paid sick time off!" Harold chanted. He swung a fist over his head.

"Paid sick time off?! Criminy!" Helga said slapping her head. "What are you trying to do? Make me a non-profit?!" Helga hefted up her box.

When Saturday rolled round again, she had Stinky and Sid with her to help at her booth at Big Bob's Beepers. But to Helga's astonishment, a police cruiser stopped.

"Excuse me, ma'am," the officer said. "I'm going to have to ask you to stop selling without a permit."

"What?!" Helga sputtered as her father drew near. "Dad, you tell them!" she beseeched.

"Actually, I called 'em!" Big Bob uttered to her astonishment. But then the big man's voice turned to pleading.

"I want you be home, Helga. I've seen you a lot lately and I've realized that maybe… it isn't such a bad thing for you to be a kid a bit longer. I'd like to see you around the house! Not running a rival business! So to make it up to you, here, I'll pay you two hundred bucks for all your patents! I'll carry a line of cellphone accessories in the store and you can stay at home and be a kid. Or even go out and play with your friends again! I really want you to give this up, Helga!"

"Well, alright!" said shuffling through the bills after she had accepted them. "You drive a mean bargain!"

So it came to pass that on a later school day, Arnold found Helga stooped over a checkers board instead of things to sell. "Would you like to play?" the girl asked, nimbly.

"Sure!" Arnold agreed. He sat down at the board but was defeated in a few turns.

"Wow!" you're really good at this!" he gaped.

"Yeah!" said Helga, glorying in the checkers she had jumped by dropping them through her fingers so that they clinked. "My Dad's been practicing with me a lot!"

"That's really great!" Arnold said. "Next time I'll have to try harder!"

"Oh-ho!" said Helga, narrowing her eyes. "Do you really think you can beat me?!"

"I think I can!" Arnold countered. He narrowed his own eyes.

"I don't think so!" Helga sang out mockingly.

"It's challenge!" Arnold declared. He looked sour for a moment as he grimaced. But when lifted up his first checker piece, he smiled. Then end.


End file.
